Being Female



Okay, so y'all non females out there might think, oh I don't know, being female is easy, but it sure as hell is not. Is it harder than being a guy? I don't know, I've never been a guy, (hey that's just a piece of flab that hangs really low) but it isn't any fucken easier. Okay let's start with the wonderful gift God has blessed all females with, their period. Oh yes, how I love to bleed every month. Now,i don't know about you, but pluging myself up with cotton for a few days every month just makes me day. And when my monthly visitor comes early, without and warning, and you have this fucken big maroon spot on your ass for everyone to stare at? I live for that. let me tell you, life just wouldn't be the same without that. Oh nothing feels better than when you're sitting in calss and you can feel your little monthly visitor dripping down your leg and soaking up your pants. And cramps? What can I say about cramps except, I love them Who can live without them (GUYS). Doubled over in pain, not able to move, everyone should get to experience this. And then PMS, rocks the world. Whew! Excess bitchiness, love it. Everyone around me loves it. But hey, we're all living in denial of our pmsness anyways. "What the hell do you mean I'm bitchy? Well fuck off". P.S. Why do assertive girls get labelled bitches? What's an assertive guy called? Cool. Now, why does every guy think that just because a female is opinionated and stands up for herself, it must be pms? I'm sorry, but i think that's called being able to think for yourself. Times are achanging and we're not so helpless anymore (like we ever really were).

And then there's putting up with rumors. Who starts rumors? Oh yeah it must be those gossipy gossipy guys. Sure. I forgot about them whispering at the back of class about why they hate so and so because she cheated on so and so and is not going out with so and so. Girls can be vicious creature too, especially when protecting their territory from another female. Females scrutinize other females as much as any guy possibly could, if not more. So hey, if your ex boyfriend likes me I'm obviously some kind of slut/bitch, if I have short hair I'm obviously a lesbian, if I'm nice to you obviously I want something from you. We are constantly bombarded by some perfect image of some super model. Yeah well, if I lived on cigarettes and diet pepsi I'd be skinny too. Something I don't understand some girls say "I wish i looked like kate moss" but you never hear them say "I wish i was anorexic". Hey, think about it, that's basically what you're saying. Ponder that one the next time you're eating peanuts.

What's up with the ideal image of what a female is supposed to look like? A certain appearance is expected to be kept up. Okay, what's wrong with me not shaving my legs? It's annoying, and i wear pants all the time anyway, but oh no, hairy legs are gross...on a girl. Yeah well i think hairy chests are pretty damn gross I don't see my boyfriend whipping out the old lady bic. But maybe I'll ask him to do that next time.

Now, what's up with calling girls sluts. Excuse me, I didn't know this plane was going to double standard land. how come a guy can sleep with whomever and however many girls he wants and be some kinda hero stud, when and when a girl does this she's a slut? I'm not condoning casual sex, but why does a girl get slapped with some label if she has the same behavior as a guy? Why can't girls get away with some of the shit guys get away with? Just because we're innocent little creatures that can't think for themselves. Whoa, let's jump in our time machines and jump back to 1950. What makes guys so fucken superior? Um... nothing.

Okay and who's bright idea was is that girls like cat calling? I love (love) having nasty 40 year old guys whistle at me. Being checked out by some nasty guy is just the biggest turn on. When a man old enough to be your father tries to pick you up that's the sign that you've made it in this world. YEAH!

yeah we've come a long way from being little cave girls being dragged around by our cave men. Dammit, the demure female doesn't exist anymore. I'm more than just a female, I'm me. We don't put up with your shit, and we demand respect. Hey after a few thousand years of being hid away as little homemakers don't you think we deserve it?