To whom it may concern...

I am such an innocent child. I am such a naive child. I do not realize that people like to use me simply because they can. I do not learn from my mistakes. I continually let guys hurt me because I do not even know why. I want one thing, to be emotionally attached to a person I'm going out with. I haven't found this yet but someday I will. I will always wait for someday. Physical, I don't really care. Emotional, that's what I need. I wrote this letter for a certain person a few months ago. I realize now, looking back on it I can apply it to the majority of relationships I have been in. Funny how life works that way. I look for something different and find exactly what I have been trying to escape from.

I'm writing this because I need to write it.

Dear ________,
I know you didn't mean to, but you make me feel so worthless. I know you don't know or care, but I do. When I look at you I don't see a person, I see a superficial thing that stole my self esteem and I know you're never going to give it back because you don't even realize that you have it. I deserve so much more than what you never gave me. I know you didn't want to be attached, but I became attached. I always get attached. And I let go of you so long ago, but the pain still lingers on in my unhealed wounds. I want you to care, I need you to care, but you only care about yourself. Everything you do is for your benefit.

I wanted to matter to you, but I know I never did, and never will. I'm just another thing to you. I'm a worthless old possession that you want to trade in for something better. I thought I was your friend. I know, now, that I'm not. I'm just another chick you can say you know, but you don't really know me. You've never known me, not even when I needed you to. I want you to feel the way I feel. I want you to understand. I want you to open your eyes, maybe then you will see. I thought maybe I actually meant something to you, you meant something to me. I hate you for making me feel worthless. I hate you for all that you did to me. I hate you for all that you never did. I hate you for making me hate myself. I don't want to see you anymore, but I cannot just make you go away. You don't know, you'll never know, because I hide behind my mask. I can make you believe what I want you to believe. I show you only what I want you to see. I can make you think everything is just fine, though I want you to disappear.

I wish I could give you this letter. I want you to feel my pain. YOu hurt me, again and again. Scars that run deeper than what lies on the surface. Those woulnds will never heal. You were a mistake I made. Had I known, I wouldn't have been there for your pleasure. I wouldn't have let myself get attached to you because you were never attached to me. I know I'm not cool enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or strong enough, or good enough. Not for you. I KNOW when you read this you won't even realize that it's about you. Even if you did, I doubt yuo would care. I wish you would, but I wish for a lot of things that never come true. So please, continue to be completely oblivious. That's just the way you are. I understand, more than you can ever hope to. All I'm hoping for is that maybe you will finally start listening. In a world where I feel worthless at least maybe now you will know what it's like to be me.


This was totally a cry for help. It was a "please try and fix my problems even though I know you can't". People have to learn how to look past the pain and see into bliss. It's great to tell people how you really feel, but not if your intention is to try and change them. People don't change because you want them to, people change because they want to. When am I going to realize that?

email me.
If you want to write me a letter the old fashioned way write to:
Michelle Danda
219 Hawkwood Drive
Calgary, Alberta
T3G 3M9

You were the person here