To whom it may concern...
I am such an innocent child. I am such a naive child. I do not
realize that people like to use me simply because they can. I do
not learn from my mistakes. I continually let guys hurt me because
I do not even know why. I want one thing, to be emotionally
attached to a person I'm going out with. I haven't found this
yet but someday I will. I will always wait for someday. Physical,
I don't really care. Emotional, that's what I need. I wrote this letter
for a certain person a few months ago. I realize now, looking
back on it I can apply it to the majority of relationships I have
been in. Funny how life works that way. I look for something
different and find exactly what I have been trying to escape from.
I'm writing this because I need to write it.
I know you didn't mean to, but you make me feel so worthless. I know you don't know or care,
but I do. When I look at you
I don't see a person, I see a superficial thing that stole my
self esteem and I know you're never going to
give it back because you don't even realize that you have it.
I deserve so much more than what you never gave me.
I know you didn't want to be attached, but I became attached.
I always get attached. And I let go of you so long ago,
but the pain still lingers on in my unhealed wounds.
I want you to care, I need you to care, but you only care about yourself. Everything
you do is for your benefit.
I wanted to matter to you, but I know I never did, and never
will. I'm just another thing to you. I'm a worthless
old possession that you want to trade in for something better.
I thought I was your friend. I know, now, that I'm not. I'm just
another chick you can say you know, but you don't really know me. You've
never known me, not even when I needed you to. I want you
to feel the way I feel. I want you to understand. I want you to
open your eyes, maybe then you will see. I thought maybe I
actually meant something to you, you meant something to me.
I hate you for making me feel worthless. I hate you for all that
you did to me. I hate you for all that you never did. I
hate you for making me hate myself. I don't want to see
you anymore, but I cannot just make you go away.
You don't know, you'll never know, because I hide behind my
mask. I can make you believe what I want you to believe.
I show you only what I want you to see. I can make you think
everything is just fine, though I want you to disappear.
I wish I could give you this letter. I want you to feel
my pain. YOu hurt me, again and again. Scars that run deeper
than what lies on the surface. Those woulnds will
never heal. You were a mistake I made. Had I known,
I wouldn't have been there for your pleasure. I wouldn't
have let myself get attached to you because you were never
attached to me. I know I'm not cool enough, or smart enough,
or pretty enough, or strong enough, or good enough. Not for you.
I KNOW when you read this you won't even realize
that it's about you. Even if you did, I doubt yuo would care.
I wish you would, but I
wish for a lot of things that never come true. So please, continue to be completely oblivious. That's just
the way you are. I understand, more than you can ever hope to.
All I'm hoping for is that maybe you will finally start
listening. In a world where I feel worthless at least
maybe now you will know what it's like to be me.
SOMETIMES THE FUN AND GAMES NEED TO STOP.
This was totally a cry for help. It was a "please try and fix
my problems even though I know you can't". People have to learn
how to look past the pain and see into bliss. It's great
to tell people how you really feel, but not if your
intention is to try and change them. People don't change because
you want them to, people change because they want to. When am
I going to realize that?
want to write me a letter the old fashioned way write to:
219 Hawkwood Drive
You were the person here
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