Everything and Nothing
Have you ever felt so completely alone standing in a room
full of people? Have you ever just wanted to disappear
because you know that no one even realizes you are there anyway?
Trying desperately to gain someone's attention you know that
you will always be unheard. No matter how much you scream, or
cry, or anything, everyone just walks by as if you're not even good
enough to be there. And pretty soon you feel like you don't
deserve to be there, even though you cannot figure out
what separates you so much from everyone else in the room. What
makes you so different? What makes you so undesireable? You
could stand there for hours trying to understand and never
be any closer to an answer than when you started. Stumbling into
a corner you want to hide from everything that makes you feel
as though you are nothing. The tears begin to fall. Self
baptism in salty salvation that only you can initiate upon yourself.
Suddenly it all become clear, everyone is not alienating you, you
are alienating them. They stand away because you want them to.
You are isolated because you are afraid to let anyone in your
glass box of lonliness. You cannot live in a glass box. Eventually
it will break and everything you have been
trying to hide from will be pushed in front of your face.
Being alone is not a way to live, it makes you want to die.