Yes I smoke. I have smoked steadily for more than three years, which is
a pretty long time now that I look back on it. I know
that smoking is bad for me. I know that if I continue smoking
one day I will die of lung cancer. I know I am wasting my
10 bucks every week on slowly killing myself, yet I still cannot
find the willpower to quit. I do however know that I have to
find that willpower if I ever want to kick my habit. Holding
that cigarette inhaling that nasty smoke is nothing more
than a vice that holds me and I can't keep succumbing to it.
I started smoking about halfway through grade 8 because I wanted
to know why all the "cool" kids did it. I had no friends
in jr.high and I guess I thought maybe if I started doing
as other did I would gain some sort of acceptance.
It didn't work of course because I never had any friends
all throughout jr. high. When I took my
first drag of my first smoke I didn't feel any different (other
than the buzz I got). I had no idea why so many
people in my class went across the street every lunch hour to
submit to their nicotine craving. Still, I continued
to smoke whenever I could get my hands on a cigarette. Looking
back I wonder how I ever bought cigarettes when I was 13 years old.
I looked so young, how the fuck could anyone have mistaken me for a n
18 year old? Stupid money hungry cigarette shops pollute the young
lungs of innocent children because they want our fucken money.
Yeah well, if some stupid fuck didn't sell me smokes when I
wasn't addicted then maybe I never would have got addited.
I continue to smoke now because I need the nicotine rushing through
my veins and when I don't have it I miss it. I also smoke
because for some odd reason I have some kind of psychological
attachment to holding a cigarette. I feel much more
confident when I have a lit smoke in hand than when I don't.
I know this is a super dumb reason, but it is my reason, and I'm
sticking to it.
I know that I'm
unhealthy because I smoke. I know that I have high blood pressure
because I smoke, but I honestly could care less as long as I
get my nicotine. I've tried to quit
smoking so many times in the last two years failing miserably every
single time. The longest I've gone without a cigarette is four
days which may not seem like a lot to a non smoker
but it's an eternity to a girl who normally smokes almost half a pack
a day. I'm going to quit again though. Me and Emily
are going to quit together. Next week I'm going to start smoking
Export A lights instead of Export medium king size. Oh yes,
that is my first step on the way to me quitting smoking. I hope
I lasts longer than a few days this time.
As long as I keep smoking I will never give up on giving
up smoking. If you smoke neither should you. I know I'm a
hypocrite and should not have the right to tell anyone
not to smoke but I will anyway. IF you smoke quit, if you
don't smoke never start, you'll be much better off because of it.
Back to S.P.O.R.E.S. #5