Look I know it's hard having to wake up every morning and drag yourself out of bed in order to face another day in a world that you're not sure you even want to be a part of anymore. It's hard getting up knowing that this day could be better than yesterday but it will probably be worse. What's even harder is knowing that you choose to make your life this way; you choose to suffer each and every day. I know this because many days this is me. I do not want to face the world. Sad as this may sound (and pathetic as well) I would rather just sit in my closet reading a book or writing a letter than leave my room and go see me so-called friends. I would rather lie in bed pondering the meaning of life rather sit in a classroom everyday learning than leave that classroom and talk to my friends in the hall. It's pathietic and well I suppose sometimes I am pathetic but that is me just as the things you do are you. I purposely try to distance myself from others because I am afraid to let myself get to close to them; I am afraid to let them see the real me because I am so paranoid that someday they will use that information against me. I have learned to hate having to face the world and that is something that I know I desperately have to unlearn. I am making my life that I hate so much and I think I don't know how to stop it...but I do. I have to stop hating everyone and thinking that the entire world is against me. I have to be happy with myself even though I am not the coolest, the prettiest, the smartest (but I'm getting closer to that one) because I know that I am trying to be the best I can be and if others are better that's just life. I can't keep comparing myself to other girls and making myself feel better or worse in compariso to people I don't even know or like. I have to be comfortable with myself because that is the only way anyone else will be comfortable with me. I know all this, that's the first step. The second step is actually changing. Although I know the change will be for the better because ultimately I will be happier and love myself it's hard to break free from a way of thinking and way I life I have held dear for so long regardless as to whether it's good for me or not. It's hard to change because I am so set in my ways. I have to change because my ways are ruining my life.
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