It's so hot in here. It's difficult for me to even
think. It's difficult for me to even attempt to collect scattered
thoughts in my head and piece them together in order to make a
half-way coherent piece of writing. I always manage to do it though.
Sometimes I wonder why I take the time to write this zine
that is so incredibly important to me, but that no one reads anyway.
This is my heart, this is my soul, this is me, cut up and smeared
across a computer screen, across 11 pieces of paper for you to
judge, pick apart, critisize, love hate. Do you understand how vulnerable
I am, to a bunch of complete strangers. NO you don't know me, no I
don't know you, but I am inviting you into my life. I am sharing
my fears, my dreams, my stories with you. No you don't have to care,
because I can care enough for both of us. I wish (empty promise)
that I could know all of you out there. I wish that all of you could
be part of my life and part of me. I, however, and stuck in front
of this computer screen hoping that maybe, since I can't know you,
you can know me. Look inside my head, gaze into my mind, see within
my thoughts...ease the pain inside. That's all we really want, to
have an impact on other people's lives. I want to be able to
say "yeah, these people, they read my writing, and they respect it.
And they come back every so often to see if there's more writing
because they truly appreciate it." All I want is to know that all of this
is not done completely in vain. I know I will not be able to touch you
all in that certain special way (Eew gross! She wants to touch me!) but
it's cool to think that maybe, just maybe you are laughing when
it's supposed to be funny, and crying when it's supposed to be sad,
and thinking when it's supposed to provoke thought. Yes this is
me, and yes I am vulnerable, so don't take advantage of it.