It's so hard to say good-bye to yesterday
Listen to my lungs...can you hear them? It's okay I can't hear my
lungs anymore either...that's probably a good thing because that gurgling
wheezing sound they used to make could not have been a sign of
my physical superiority. I've been working on this zine all fucken
day...it's exhausting really...well acutally I was just really really
bored and I thought maybe writing would help to allieviate my boredom..
because I love to write. I know a lot of others love to write or draw or
anything creative that they can put down on paper. I would love
it if all of you out there would send in contributions to S.P.O.R.E.S
featuring your talent on a half sized piece of white paper. It gets
really lonely being sick all the time and sitting home alone so much.
Looking out my dirty old window I see the sun shining on the newly
fallen snow. The sun in beckoning me to come outside and go for a jog,
but I have a cold and the ground is too slippery to jog on. I wish I oculd go
jogging because then maybe I would feel a little healthier and look a little
better. I wish I would go outside and jog because maybe it would restore
some of my self confidence that I lost so long ago. I desperately need that
self confidence back. I wonder when I will start feeling good about my self again?
Why is everyone so disatisfied with who they are? Why must I always strive
to be a better, prettier, sexier, smarter, superior person? Why am I never
satisfied with me? I cannot answer any of these questions, but if I could then
I think I'd probably be a lot better off. Perhaps these issues I have with myself
bring about the extraordinary creativity spilling constantly from my brain. I will
never truly understand me...and that is incredibly frustrating because
I can never explain myself to people who understand me even less. Oh well
right? I suppose the longer I sit here and think the closer I am to all the anwers...
but do I really want them?