It's so hard to say good-bye to yesterday

Listen to my lungs...can you hear them? It's okay I can't hear my lungs anymore either...that's probably a good thing because that gurgling wheezing sound they used to make could not have been a sign of my physical superiority. I've been working on this zine all fucken's exhausting really...well acutally I was just really really bored and I thought maybe writing would help to allieviate my boredom.. because I love to write. I know a lot of others love to write or draw or anything creative that they can put down on paper. I would love it if all of you out there would send in contributions to S.P.O.R.E.S featuring your talent on a half sized piece of white paper. It gets really lonely being sick all the time and sitting home alone so much. Looking out my dirty old window I see the sun shining on the newly fallen snow. The sun in beckoning me to come outside and go for a jog, but I have a cold and the ground is too slippery to jog on. I wish I oculd go jogging because then maybe I would feel a little healthier and look a little better. I wish I would go outside and jog because maybe it would restore some of my self confidence that I lost so long ago. I desperately need that self confidence back. I wonder when I will start feeling good about my self again? Why is everyone so disatisfied with who they are? Why must I always strive to be a better, prettier, sexier, smarter, superior person? Why am I never satisfied with me? I cannot answer any of these questions, but if I could then I think I'd probably be a lot better off. Perhaps these issues I have with myself bring about the extraordinary creativity spilling constantly from my brain. I will never truly understand me...and that is incredibly frustrating because I can never explain myself to people who understand me even less. Oh well right? I suppose the longer I sit here and think the closer I am to all the anwers... but do I really want them?