The day I stopped going to punk rock shows

When did it happen? I'm not quite sure (I'm not quite sure of anything anymore). Why did it happen? Maybe because I find myself hating everyone I don't know, and even a lot of people I do know (hate is a pretty strong word I think I really mean am afraid of). Now a major part of my high school social life is not a part of it anymore.

For the past four years?! (I don't know, since I've been in grade 9) I've been going to punk rock shows. From the end of grade 10 until the beginning of grade 12 I went to all the shows, and saw every band regardless of if I'd seen them before, if I liked the music, etc. Today I find myself despising the punk rock scene and too afraid (I don't know if afraid is the right word) to even peek in the door. Punks talk about how they at so antiestablishment and hate social classifications and things like cliques, yet the whole punk scene in Calgary is completely made up of cliques and socially elite groups and social pariahs (which would include me). At a show look around and a vibe is just exuded that certain people there, although they preach peace, unity and acceptace are simply just too cool for you or hate you because of the way you look, though they themselves do not want to be judged. The punk scene in Calgary is just so much like being in a high school filled with different cliques (interesting fact, I don't think there are any cliques in my high school, or maybe I'm just too out of the loop to notice) of people who the kids new to the scene and some who have been in the scene for a while, are just afraid to talk to because they know the socially elite will just mock, snub and laugh.

The idea of a completely united, and loving group of people is a wonderful, amazing concept that would be incredible if it could actually be a reality. The punk scene, what from I gathered when I was but a bright eyed innocent 14 year old was an all accepting group where no one judged you, and everyone was welcome. Now, almost four years later I realize that I was so completely wrong. Everything it stands for now is completely different than what I once believed. The younger generation goes to shows to get drunk, do drugs, and rip shit up, they do not necessarily enjoy the music or respect the bands who have the guts to play even though they know that are not always being heard. The older generation hates the younger generation for this, even though perhaps it was their influence that created it.

All I know is that lately I have been finding that not enough people anywhere are ready to take responsibilty for their actions and words. Not enough people are willing to say what they mean and do what they say. People are so into being accepted, being like everyone else, even in such a alternative (by which I simply mean different than the "normal") as the so-called "punk" scene that it's this big conformist group of people that just sucks. And I probably would not be saying any of this if I was friends with all of them. I know I wouldn't be thinking this if I was still part of the scene, and the friends I previously had never lost touch with me. I know all circumstances would be different if I was "accepted," or wanted to be, but since I am on the outside I can hate what is on the inside.

Are you totally wondering what the whether forcast for Calgary is today? Well wonder no more Tripod Error [an error occurred while processing this directive]

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